Interpersonal Communication : Lying And Its Role In Relationships

Lying has is a part of our culture, and it seems as if not a day goes by where you do not lie at all. Our world could not exist as it does, if we lived in a society in which lying did not exist. However as humans, we are prone to lying, because of our need to protect ourselves, or the ones close to us, that we turn to lying in order to either make our lives easier or to avoid problems. Humans have adapted over time into societies where lying is an evolutionary advantage, which has made it a part of our DNA. Even children, as soon as they can talk, are using deception as a way to get what they want, and these children have not even had a chance to learn to lie. Lying also continues throughout our entire lives, because it is not something that we can help, it is a part of who we are. When evaluating the argument Stephanie Ericsson makes in “The Ways We Lie”, regarding the reasons we chose to lie, however it is also important to consider extending the argument to include the idea that lying is not only a daily occurrence, it has also become imbedded into human nature.

There comes a time in every persons life where they feel a burning sensation to lie, but is it worth it? Don’t they feel the shame and the guilt of that lie? On average, people lie between ten to two hundred times a day. But doesn't all of that lying come with a lot of conflict and trouble? The more that you lie the more conflict arises by avoiding truth then if it were to be faced head-on.

Lying is a common habit that everyone has had experiences with. I have lied and have been lied to numerous times. Everyone has. However, not everyone exposed to a certain lie is aware of it’s true power. In her essay “The Ways We Lie”, Stephanie Ericsson criticizes our bad habit of lying. She explains many different types of lies and even gives examples to show how harmful they can be as “our acceptance of lies becomes a cultural cancer that eventually shrouds and reorders reality until moral garbage becomes invisible to us as water is to a fish” (128).

The articles “Sex, Lies and Conversation: Why is it Hard for Men and Women to Talk to each other” by Deborah Tannen and “Speaking Different Languages” by John Gray are about how men and women often misunderstand each other which causes conflicts and or arguments. When a woman says something it usually has a deeper meaning, but men are usually more direct when speaking; this leads to conflicts and relationship problems. According to Tannen and Gray, men and women can adjust their thinking to minimize misunderstanding by translating each other’s dialect, by understanding their different ways of listening, and different body languages.

Have you ever wondered why it can be so hard to tell the truth, or why it seems better to tell a lie? In both F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby and Rob Marshall’s Chicago, characters lie because they feel that it is easier. However, lying leads to a downward- spiral. The society we live in can either lead us to a complicated relationship with the truth or easy going. The problem with constantly telling lies is that it starts off with one then leads to another until everything you say is a lie. People know it is easier to tell lies than face the truth because they are either doing it for money, or protection for themselves, people they love, or relationships. Yes, telling lies can help but imagine the damage you’re building up on the way. Nobody likes liars and liars can be found anywhere, even families lie to each other. Relationships are just like thin pieces of paper that make small tears to it every time a lie is told. The paper can be put back together but it will never be the same or be seen the same.

Lies, they're everywhere, are they worth the trouble? Throughout these three articles, “It’s the truth”, “Honestly tell the truth”, and “Rejecting all lies”, the authors precisely analyze who agrees, and who doesn’t agree with lying, and why. Lying may be the first thing to come to mind when in a bad situation, but does anyone realize how much damage it can cause towards the other person or to the liar themselves?

Sex, Lies and Conversation: Why it is so Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other

(1996) was a broad study that yielded several results. People lie daily, a finding not many would be surprised with. The lie more often outside of face-to-face interactions, unsurprising given the prominence of body language in communication. The types of things people lied about were consistent with ideas of monitoring impression formation; in simpler terms, people often lie to look better to others. It also appears that people lie with some frequency about positive feelings. This suggests that we may not want to take responses or comments about positive feelings at face value, and may want to dig deeper out of concern if we believe these responses to be dishonest. The findings in sex difference suggest that women lie to protect others much more often than men, but also lie more about others more than men. While this reinforces gossip stereotypes, it also reinforces the idea that women are more sensitive. To summarize the findings, if you desire open and honest conversation, you will likely have to encourage it. The prevalence of lying, for positive or negative reasons, is so great that it is a daily occurrence. To combat this, you must first acknowledge the astounding frequency of lying, and then voice your desire for less of it. After all, interactions without lies were rated more positively than ones with lies. If you want a more open, honest,

Lying can save you in severe situations such as life or death. Elie lied about his age and said he was eighteen instead of fifteen. “‘Your age?’ he asked, perhaps trying to sound paternal. ‘I'm eighteen.’ My voice was trembling.” (Wiesel 31). Not telling exact information to strangers about yourself can prevent bad things from happening. He told the doctor he was sick so he didn’t have to get his crown taken. His crown could buy him an extra ration of bread and soup, so he decided it’d be smart to keep it. He said he was a farmer because it could save him from being killed immediately. Lying is one of many ways that can help people survive in certain situations.

Lying the one form of communication that is the untruth expressed to be the truth. Immanuel Kant states that lying is morally wrong in all possible ways. His hatred for lying has made him “just assumed that anyone who lied would be operating with a maxim like this: tell a lie so as to gain some benefit.”(Landau,pp.171) This is true for a vast number of people, they will lie in order to gain a certain benefit from the lie rather than the truth.It is similar to if you play a game of truth or dare, some rather pick a dare because it would release them from having to tell the truth. However, those who do pick truth still have a chance to lie to cover up the absolute truth.People lie in order to cover who they truly are. Even if you lie to benefit someone or something else, it would not matter to Kant because he does not care for the consequences. If you lie but have a good intention it is not the same for Kant, he would argue that you still lied no matter the consequence that a lie is a lie. “ While lying, we accuse others for not being transparent. While being hypocrites ourselves, we expect others to be sincere.” (Dehghani,Ethics) We know how it feels to be lied to by a person, so in order to not have the feeling returned, we hope the person will be truthful. We rather be surrounded by truthful people constantly despite all the lies that some people tell. No

In the article, “Sex Lies and Conversation; Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?” author Deborah Tannen, argues that the culture differences in males and females communication, both expect differences in their partners communication which cause damaged marriages. First Tannen mentions, communication in marriage is difficult due to the fact that males and females have come from different cultures. Then Tannen argues, that women expect more intimacy by way of conversation and men share activities in order to gain in their same sex friendships. Tannen also argues that men tend to switch topics often, not concentrating so much on depth as on breadth, not taking turns on same topic; women establish intimacy by diving deeper on a few topics. The author states, male relationships are “agonistic” (Tannen), trying to one up; female relationships are not that way, as they seek equality instead. Finally Tannen, suggests that there are solutions: awareness is key in a cross-cultured communication. (Tannen) While there are some elements to her argument that may generalize too much, in the end, I do find myself convinced by Tannen’s case.

It’s a small thing that could blow up into a major issue, but in some cases, it could be the way people save feelings. The way of sometimes hurting someone’s feelings and sometimes boosting their confidence is the human form of somewhat lying. Lying is sometimes the right thing to do like lying to children, being private about personal business, and by protecting someone’s feeling.

Communication is one of the most important aspects in romantic relationships and different communication styles can affect relationships differently. Relationships can be both positively and negatively affected depending on the level of communication between the partners.

As many know, we lie to cover up things that we don’t want others to know. Maybe when you were a child you broke your brothers toy and when he confronted you, you lied and said you had no idea who did it, or maybe you completely try to change the subject. In a way, that is what interpersonal deception theory is, it’s an attempt to explain how individuals handle actual deception at the conscious or subconscious level while they are engaged in a face-to-face communication. And Actually This type of deception has 3 aspects such as falsification, concealment, and equivocation.

I also agree that we should think before we act. First, we tell lies to avoid hurting the feelings of someone. Words are very powerful so when we are friends with someone and we know that they are hurting we usually tell white lies to make them feel better. In addition, we tell lies to protect their own feelings. If we know that a lie can make a person happy then go for it even though it is bad because we love them and we will do everything for them. Second, we tell lies to avoid getting into trouble. An example is we prevent physical and mental harm. A situation that is proper to this is when we are in danger; obviously we need to tell numerous lies to protect ourselves from getting hurt. Third, we tell lies to avoid losing someone. We tend to lie because the truth might ruin our relationship with the person even though we know that when we lie to someone, we already ruin the relationship we have with them. Moreover, gaining the trust of a person is very hard; we tend to push them away because some of us have trust issues, so when we finally gained that trust we are afraid to