(1) For the first sentence, I think that some of the strengths would be that they are describing what type of company they are, which is pretty simple. Something I think could be a weakness would be that they use e-tailing which could have been changed to an online company or store due to the fact that they are contacting a company whose first language isn't English. The second sentence is letting the retailer know that they have good quality products which is why they selected them to be able to work with them. A weakness would be that their tone is more towards the preaching and bragging side, like they want the company to know they are a really selective brand, which is okay to be but I wouldn't like reading that in a business email. Another thing is that they are using the word "enough" multiple times which can be avoided. For the third sentence, one of the weaknesses would be the tone they are using, it feels like they are making fun of some other products in the market, and for me, it was a bit hard to read compared to the last two sentences. The last sentence is simpler to read than the last one which is a plus, I think one of the weaknesses would be that they don't mention where they want to add it too, which could be implied but I would mention it regardless. (2) << Subject: Future retail partnership with Inglesina. To whom it may concern, Hello, I hope you're doing well. Our online company, Best Baby Gear. specializes in providing the highest quality products to parents of newborns, infants, and toddlers. We are constantly looking for the best products worldwide, and we take pride in our carefully designed selection process. Since our goal is to offer the best quality in the market, we are very selective in our choices, which is why we add products that we think will be top performers, selling at least a hundred units per model annually. After careful consideration, we have found that Inglesina meets our high standards. We are confident in the durability, style, and quality, which is why we believe that your products will appeal to our customers, making us excited to introduce them to our portfolio and our loyal customer base. Since our goal is to provide the best in the market, we believe that the Inglesina line will help us reach that goal and we are excited to embark on what would be a successful partnership. Thank you for taking the time to review this proposal. Sincerely, Sophia Rubalcaba Marketing Manager. >> (3) I believe that this version of the email is much more easy to read than the one we started with. I made the tone more approachable and less braggy which would demonstrate the importance of quality for the company without tearing apart other products. I also scratched words that made the email hard to read and used much simpler words and sentences.

(1) For the first sentence, I think that some of the strengths would be that they are describing what type of company they are, which is pretty simple. Something I think could be a weakness would be that they use e-tailing which could have been changed to an online company or store due to the fact that they are contacting a company whose first language isn't English. The second sentence is letting the retailer know that they have good quality products which is why they selected them to be able to work with them. A weakness would be that their tone is more towards the preaching and bragging side, like they want the company to know they are a really selective brand, which is okay to be but I wouldn't like reading that in a business email. Another thing is that they are using the word "enough" multiple times which can be avoided. For the third sentence, one of the weaknesses would be the tone they are using, it feels like they are making fun of some other products in the market, and for me, it was a bit hard to read compared to the last two sentences. The last sentence is simpler to read than the last one which is a plus, I think one of the weaknesses would be that they don't mention where they want to add it too, which could be implied but I would mention it regardless. (2) << Subject: Future retail partnership with Inglesina. To whom it may concern, Hello, I hope you're doing well. Our online company, Best Baby Gear. specializes in providing the highest quality products to parents of newborns, infants, and toddlers. We are constantly looking for the best products worldwide, and we take pride in our carefully designed selection process. Since our goal is to offer the best quality in the market, we are very selective in our choices, which is why we add products that we think will be top performers, selling at least a hundred units per model annually. After careful consideration, we have found that Inglesina meets our high standards. We are confident in the durability, style, and quality, which is why we believe that your products will appeal to our customers, making us excited to introduce them to our portfolio and our loyal customer base. Since our goal is to provide the best in the market, we believe that the Inglesina line will help us reach that goal and we are excited to embark on what would be a successful partnership. Thank you for taking the time to review this proposal. Sincerely, Sophia Rubalcaba Marketing Manager. >> (3) I believe that this version of the email is much more easy to read than the one we started with. I made the tone more approachable and less braggy which would demonstrate the importance of quality for the company without tearing apart other products. I also scratched words that made the email hard to read and used much simpler words and sentences.

Social Psychology (10th Edition)

10th Edition

ISBN:9780134641287

Author:Elliot Aronson, Timothy D. Wilson, Robin M. Akert, Samuel R. Sommers

Publisher:Elliot Aronson, Timothy D. Wilson, Robin M. Akert, Samuel R. Sommers

Chapter1: Introducing Social Psychology

Section: Chapter Questions

Problem 1RQ1

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Question

Discuss two ways your classmate leveraged the three components and tips of LO-3 (tone, plain language, active voice) to improve the paragraph and what the impact of those could be on the Inglesina company's reaction to the email.

Here is the work from my classmate:

Transcribed Image Text:(1) For the first sentence, I think that some of the strengths would be that they are describing what type of company they are, which is pretty simple. Something I think could be a weakness would be that they use e-tailing which could have been changed to an online company or store due to the fact that they are contacting a company whose first language isn't English. The second sentence is letting the retailer know that they have good quality products which is why they selected them to be able to work with them. A weakness would be that their tone is more towards the preaching and bragging side, like they want the company to know they are a really selective brand, which is okay to be but I wouldn't like reading that in a business email. Another thing is that they are using the word "enough" multiple times which can be avoided. For the third sentence, one of the weaknesses would be the tone they are using, it feels like they are making fun of some other products in the market, and for me, it was a bit hard to read compared to the last two sentences. The last sentence is simpler to read than the last one which is a plus, I think one of the weaknesses would be that they don't mention where they want to add it too, which could be implied but I would mention it regardless. (2) << Subject: Future retail partnership with Inglesina. To whom it may concern, Hello, I hope you're doing well. Our online company, Best Baby Gear. specializes in providing the highest quality products to parents of newborns, infants, and toddlers. We are constantly looking for the best products worldwide, and we take pride in our carefully designed selection process. Since our goal is to offer the best quality in the market, we are very selective in our choices, which is why we add products that we think will be top performers, selling at least a hundred units per model annually. After careful consideration, we have found that Inglesina meets our high standards. We are confident in the durability, style, and quality, which is why we believe that your products will appeal to our customers, making us excited to introduce them to our portfolio and our loyal customer base. Since our goal is to provide the best in the market, we believe that the Inglesina line will help us reach that goal and we are excited to embark on what would be a successful partnership. Thank you for taking the time to review this proposal. Sincerely, Sophia Rubalcaba Marketing Manager. >> (3) I believe that this version of the email is much more easy to read than the one we started with. I made the tone more approachable and less braggy which would demonstrate the importance of quality for the company without tearing apart other products. I also scratched words that made the email hard to read and used much simpler words and sentences.

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